Chevy Astro and GMC Safari Forum banner

Contest: Writeup on Changing a Tire

29K views 135 replies 24 participants last post by  cowboydan 
#1 ·
This week we are going to do something fun and engage in a little friendly competition! :dance: The first place winner will receive $20 via Paypal for the best entry submitted in this thread.

In spite of anyone's mechanical ability on this site, I'm sure that any self-respecting Astro/Safari owner knows how to change a tire. :)
Therefore, we are having a contest to see who can submit the very best and most creative write-up on changing a tire. Here are the rules:

1. Anyone can participate except for the global moderators as we will be the ones judging.

2. Your writeup must be specifically about how to change a tire on an Astro or Safari. The use of any other vehicle is permitted provided that it complements your writeup and it is not the focus of your post.

3. If you submit pictures, they must be of your own creation whether you illustrate them or take the photo yourself. Borrowing images from the internet will result in disqualification.

4. The contest starts now and will end on Dec. 17th. A winner will be chosen over that weekend and will be announced on Monday the 20th.

5. Be as technical, humorous, or creative as you want to be. There are no limits in this area as long as they don't violate the site rules. ;)

6. If necessary, feel free to submit and resubmit your entries as the competition heats up as I'll be accepting any and all entries. I'll even accept multiple entries provided that they are DIFFERENT from each other. Please do not make multiple posts of the same writeup as this will reduce your chances of winning. :D

Feel free to comment on the entries as they are posted and let's get it started! :banana:
 
See less See more
#2 ·
Well Ted, I did try changing a tire once upon a time, but, dang, try as I might, it still was a tire when I was done trying.

Bob

Did I win ?
 
#6 ·
Mr Bowtie,

Junk yard, where ? I must have missed that one. Oh, you were refering to the pictures... I'm sorry, I didn't recognize it. Perhaps it's because it looks exactly like my backyard Actually, I think we clearly have a winner, here: good pics, good penmanship, and an excellent technical presentation. I vote: Rave.

Bob
 
#8 ·
To tell the truth it was a sad day when she went there.90 per cent of her still in the basement.My wife said she was sad because it was like somebody died in the family.Body looked good but her belly was rusted beyond belief salt and out door all her life killed her. A-frame had almost rusted completely off. Had to be brought to house on a flat bed it was so bad. Ironic this van had 132700 miles all dealer serviced. Had new interior just five years ago because seams split.So my van got astro second row buckets. Got all maint records with it.And seeing as how I going V-8 That motor I thinkin going in boat I lookin for.Any way we were sad
 
#9 ·
RECox286 said:
Hey Ted,Is this going to turn into an Off Topic, topic ? Bob
Yeah.. we'll move it after the contest is over so we can still have some laughs.

jeff's93astro said:
Does destorying a astro to change tires disqualify you? :lol:
:rofl: Actually, he did it before I could think to make a rule about it so it's a fair ball. And that's what's cool about creative competitions- The people who win usually come up with something outlandish before the judges can make a rule against it. ;)
 
#11 ·
Astro Tire Change Instructions:

First, you must determine if this will benefit your Astro/Safari.
Using a large piece of cardboard, cut a circle approx. 29" in diameter. This is the template, and it may be used on most other makes of vehicles as well.
Set the template beside any tire of your van, and compare the shape. If the template and the tire are the same shape, repeat the procedure on another tire.
If all 4 tires match the template, this procedure will not benefit you. Thank you for participating.
If you find a tire that does not match the template(flat on bottom/no tire found/etc.), then you may proceed.
You must determine a suitable lifting point on your van for this to work. Preferrably a location under the van is best. The ashtray/cupholder is NOT a suitable location. If you are changing the LR tire, you may lift under the fuel tank ONLY if it is FULL of fuel.
Now that you have found a lifting point, you need a method of actually lifting it. Originally, the jack was located in the rear of the van, possibly behind a small plastic door. It is not there anymore. It is holding up part of the porch behind the house. You sure were proud when you told your wife that you fixed the porch. You are not proud now.
Ask a local garage to borrow/rent a floor jack.(do NOT tell them about your porch repair).
Use the jack to raise your Astro to a comfortable height. If the van falls over on the opposite side, this is NOT comfortable. Please refer to your local Yellow Pages, under autobody repair and painting.
If you have installed a belltech drop spindle kit, you will find that the jack does not fit. You must first dig a hole under the lifting location to continue.
Removing the lug nuts.
On the floor of your van, you will find a large wrench. It will be there, as you could not find a use for it elsewhere. Use it to remove 5 or 6 lug nuts...wait, let me clarify-if there are 5 lug nuts, then remove 5. If there are 6, then remove 6. Removing 5 lug nuts when there are 6 will make this procedure difficult.
Remove the tire.
If it will not come off, first refer to the 5 or 6 lug nut statement above. If all lug nuts are removed, the wheel may be stuck on. Try kicking the tire repeatedly. Cursing helps. It will come off.
Avoid letting your frustrations get the better of you, and taking then out on the side of your van with the large wrench. If this happens, please refer to the Yellow pages under autobody repair and painting.
Place the replacement tire/wheel on the van. It only goes on one way(hint-shiney side out), install ALL the lug nuts(the 5 or 6 we discussed earlier) and lower the van down.
If you had to dig a hole, please fill it in...potholes are pain and idler arms are expensive.
Return the jack.
Now go to Home Depot and get what you need to fix the porch properly, and put the jack back in the van.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN WE WILL DISCUSS CALIBRATING YOUR PISTON RETURN SPRINGS! :D
 
#12 ·
Hey GT,

I read your instructions, and everything was painfully clear, except: what if the template only slightly resembles the original tire, or if the flat spot is towards the top ? What then ?

BTW you hit the nail right square on the head about where the jack lives. Have you been spying ?

Bob
 
#13 ·
How to change a tire.

First you need to locate the required tools for the job. They are:
  • A 3/4" ratchet
    A 3" extension
    Appropriate sized socket
    A can of wet cat food
    A roll of duct tape
    The neighbours cat
    A towel rag or t-shirt
    A shovel
    anti seize
    floor jack
    A torque wrench

Go out by the van and lay down the old towel, open the can of Fancy Feast (or similar wet canned food) and coax the neighbour's cat to come over. Once it's on the old towel, pet it into a crouched or laying down position and wrap it tightly up into the towel. Use duct tape to hold the "speed bump / roll stop" together by winding it tightly around the towel with the cat inside. NOTE - You may hear lots of screaming coming from the cat. Do not worry; the cat is really enjoying it. 

Next, place the "speed bump" under the front tire to prevent the vehicle from rolling forward. NOTE - In the event that the vehicle does roll forward, not to worry, the towel will absorb any mess the cat inside may make.
Now locate a lift point and place jack under it. NOTE - The oil pan does NOT count as a lift point.

Go to the desired tire and loosen off the nuts.

Return to the jack and lift the van until the desired tire is just off the ground.

Now remove the nuts and remove the tire. NOTE - If the tire is stuck on there, kick it a few times and it will come off. NOTE - Be sure to lay the tired on its side and place it under the van, this way if the jack give out, the van has something to rest on. Also, if you just let the tire roll out of the driveway, you run the risk of knocking Paperboy off his bicycle.

Take the Anti-Seize and put a little on the lugs and place the new tire onto the lugs and snug them all up. NOTE - Do not torque the lugs while the wheel is spinning freely. Doing so may result in a flying tire incident on the highway.

Lower van down and torque to desired tightness.

Remove jack and move repeat for the other 3 tires.

Upon completion of all 4 tires be sure to check on the speed bump. If the neighbours haven't come looking for the speed bump then grab the shovel and bury it in the back yard. NOTE - This step is completely optional. But the pros of doing so is not having to see dead birds and mice on your front door step, not finding your flowers dug up from the garden and no complaints from your green thumb wife who finds 'land mines' that were deposited from the cat prior to digging up the flower bed.
 
#15 ·
All well and good, but how about if you happen to live in Texas ? Their speed bumps are easier to catch.

Bob
 
#17 ·
What does the tire look like in relation to the "template" ? Flat on bottom, or on top ? If it's only flat on top, then you should be able to keep running on it for at least another 500 miles.

Hope this helps

Bob
 
#18 ·
To change a flat tire, I guess that is the question. Or would it be, the easiest way to change a tire.

Well for my money, the easiest is to pull the van to a safe place the get your Cell Phone out and call (801) 364-5615, in SLC, and tell them where the van is. This number is to the AAA, they will then dispatch a repair truck to the flat tire and change it for you.

This is the easiest way I can think of. Usually this will just add a small amount of soil on your index finger to dial the number.

Keith

EDIT: I just about forgot the most important part, don't forget to set your flashers on.
 
#23 ·
It is my understanding that this forum, and "contest" is open to whomever so desires to join in on the fun. Right now, my meter is almost pegged...

bOb
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top